


List, The

by thebasement_archivist



Category: The X-Files
Genre: Humor, Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2003-05-12
Updated: 2003-05-12
Packaged: 2018-11-20 10:22:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,372
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11333823
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thebasement_archivist/pseuds/thebasement_archivist
Summary: The boys go grocery shopping and don't stick to the list.





	List, The

**Author's Note:**

> Note from alice ttlg, the archivist: this story was originally archived at [The Basement](http://fanlore.org/wiki/The_Basement), which moved to the AO3 to ensure the stories are always available and so that authors may have complete control of their own works. To preserve the archive, I began manually importing its works to the AO3 as an Open Doors-approved project in June 2017. I e-mailed all creators about the move and posted announcements, but may not have reached everyone. If you are (or know) this creator, please contact me using the e-mail address on [The Basement's collection profile](http://archiveofourown.org/collections/thebasement/profile).

List, The

### List, The

#### by laurel

  


Notes: I like shiny, bright objects too. 

Spoilers: Pretty much self-contained, although you could read the series from the beginning just to know where everything stands. 

Archive: Okay to WWOMB, anyone else just ask. 

The first struggle was finding a space in the sprawling parking lot. Walter maneuvered the mini-van into the perfect spot only to get blasted with a car horn that played the yellow rose of Texas. The car was a long white Cadillac with baby blue trim and a matching interior. The driver was a white-haired old lady whose hair spiraled upwards in a complicated beehive. Her make-up job would have made Mary Kay cry. Her dye job matched the car paint. 

Walter grumbled as she gave him a dirty look. He'd been there first with his turn signal clicking, no less. Damned if he was going to give up the prime spot. Fuck her, he thought. 

Alex giggled at Walter's frown and shook his butt a little as he exited the vehicle. Walter wasn't sure if that little victory dance was for his benefit or to snub the old bat who soon found another space not much farther away. 

Alex shook a cart loose from the corral but the wheels shook. He grabbed three more before he found one that was steady and didn't veer off in a different direction than where he steered. 

Fox playfully jumped onto the front of the cart and Alex pushed him inside the store like that. Alex picked up speed until the cart nearly flew into the store on its own. They shrieked with glee. Walter followed, grumbling about their juvenile antics and John stoically and wisely remained silent. 

The American shopping experience stunned Alex time and again no matter how many times he went shopping at the supermarket. The bright, shiny displays, the stacks of goods threatening to spill over into the aisles, the endless rows of fruits that were the color of candies overwhelmed Alex. 

But he was a sensible shopper nevertheless. He took out the long list he and Walter prepared together. Several items had already been crossed out. Fox didn't need five bags of marshmallows, unless he was planning on doing something kinky with them, and John certainly didn't need three kinds of Italian sausage, not to mention the hot pepperoni sticks he'd written down. 

Alex always liked to start at the produce section. The mounds of bananas, ten different varieties of mushrooms and all the brightly colored peppers just called out to him to touch and choose. Walter started at the meat section with another cart to save time. He had his part of the list in hand. They separated and went to their targets. 

Fox followed Alex like a child, wandering off by himself from time to time and coming back with packages of cookies or baked goods that he'd throw in the cart. When Fox wasn't looking Alex would discreetly toss them aside. 

He spent a good chunk of time in the fruit and vegetable section. He chose red and orange peppers, mulled over the blueberries and raspberries, finally just picking up both and spent time reading the cartons of orange juice debating on whether extra calcium would be a good thing or if he should indulge in the fresh-squeezed the market prepared that was pricier. 

Meanwhile Walter and John salivated over the meat section. They were big meat eaters and between the two of them, every single meal they planned for the week had red meat in it. Even breakfast. 

Fox picked out three cereal boxes, all different of course, for their various tastes. Alex put one box back. Christ, it had more sugar than a frigging candy bar. He picked up the rolled oats that Walter liked and a bag of raisins from the bulk bar to add to it, as well as almonds and dried apricots for himself. Fox wanted the sugary chocolate crap with the vampire guy on the cover and Alex tried to persuade him to try the healthier Cheerios. They settled on Raisin Bran. 

They met up in the dairy section. Alex picked up skim milk, butter and plain yogurt in which he liked to mix his favorite fruits and honey. John traded the skin milk for two percent, but Alex secretly replaced that with the one percent. 

Fox picked up a couple of gallons of ice cream. It was still winter but sometimes he liked a couple of scoops for a treat. He knew Alex wouldn't object to his choices. Alex had a sweet tooth. 

Alex surveyed the items in Walter's cart. He raised an eyebrow and crossed his arms. "All right, Captain bacon and King cholesterol, what's the idea?" 

Walter shrugged nonchalantly. John whistled to the muzak they were playing in the store. 

"Four cartons of eggs Walter? Three packages of bacon plus the baco-bits? Honestly, guys, you are never going to eat all that stuff in one week." 

"What do you want us to eat? Tofu?" Walter challenged. 

"No, but I do want you around for the next forty years and that isn't going to happen if you eat your weight in eggs and beef until your heart explodes." 

"Jeez, Alex, don't be so dramatic," John complained. 

"It wouldn't kill you to eat some vegetables or yogurt once in a while." 

"It might," John replied with a grin. 

Alex frowned and took out two of the egg cartons, removed the pepperoni which John had thrown in and put back several of the packages of ground beef and sirloins that Walter had carelessly tossed into the cart. At John's frown, Alex put one pack of the disgusting cured pepperoni back in. 

Fox found a couple of the packages of cookies that Alex had gotten rid of and shoved them into the bottom of the cart. John clapped his back in praise. 

Alex came back with an economy box of movie popcorn that dripped with butter and was greasy with cheese which made the house stink to high heaven of something that resembled unwashed gym socks and cradled a package of double stuffed Oreos, trying to hide them from his lovers. They all stared at him as he added the forbidden bounty to his cart. He shrugged weakly. 

On the way to the checkouts Fox and John finished loading up the cart with packages of Danish, big noisy bags of chips that rustled in their hands, Twinkies and Chex mix. Fox also tossed in a big bag of sunflower seeds from the bulk barn. 

Walter laughed at Alex's increasing frown. But there was nothing their little rat could do. After all he loved junk food too even if he wouldn't admit to more than a polite taking of one single chip from the bowl, waiting only for privacy to cram them down by the handful or whether it was twisting apart one beloved Oreo and licking the sickly sweet, sugary, white middle until he was drooling all over the chocolate cookie part. 

They checked out quickly and paid, hauling their week's worth of booty to the van. 

Walter drove them home, fighting the exiting traffic and breathing a sigh of relief when they left the store behind. 

In the back was the rustle of John and Fox poking into a bag of chips. Walter sighed. Worse than kids, those two. Beside him Alex surreptitiously dug into the bag of Oreos and tried to sneak one into his mouth. He grinned around the cookie at Walter and shrugged as if to say, I just can't help it. 

Walter smiled and called back to John for a pepperoni stick. He shoved one end in his mouth and chewed, while he drove with one hand. Alex's mouth watered at the thought of Walter licking and chewing on his cock like that. He flooded his nearly forgotten Oreo with saliva. Walter looked his way and chuckled. 

"Can't you wait until we get home?" he teased. 

Alex grinned around the cookie and reached out one hand to grab hold of the hardening cock in Walter's pants. "Now this is a pepperoni I can sink my teeth into."   
  

If you enjoyed this story, please send feedback to laurel


End file.
